How did it all start I hear you ask....good question. I discovered spiritualists churches around the age of 16 yrs old (over 25 yrs ago) and was amazed at watching mediums stand on stage passing messages from deceased loved ones to random people in the audience that usually consisted of about 15-20 people. Although a wee bit scary at the beginning, I came to love it and over the many years has become normal for me.
Over the years, I fell in and out of many different spiritualist churches either to watch visiting mediums give messages or to join their psychic development circles to see if I could develop my own abilities. I can't make any claims to having been born with fantastic abilities where I see dead people standing at the foot of my bed, prodding me to tell me messages but am aware of many other strange and at times frightening experiences I have had since being a child.....perhaps I might share a few on here one day. :)
So, anyhoo, in my mid 30's I decided to try and develop and understand my abilities as I became aware that I was having more experiences and so set about joining what would become a long list of psychic development circles, searching for something but never really finding it.
First of all I tried SNU (Spiritualist National Union) spiritualist church circles. I can only talk about my experiences of these development circles and in all honesty they were awful. They adhere to very strict principles of how a person should work with Spirit, throw in their religious beliefs and rigid values, it made for a difficult and at times, often horrible experience. Although on the other hand, they very much believed in promoting the evidential aspect to working with spirit - giving the client certain information about the spirit person such as appearance, what they may have died from, their personality, defining characteristics, etc. I felt that nothing was explained in a way that was easy to understand...in fact I felt there was very little explanation of how Spirit communicated. I always found them to be secretive and not very welcoming.
All I got from the SNU development circles was a sense of disillusion and a sense of 'separateness' from all things spiritual. I felt there were conditions placed on me and if I did not meet the criteria then I was made to feel that I were not 'special' enough or 'good' enough to work with Spirit. They were very critical. If you were a person who suffered a poor sense of self worth, which I did at the time, it would feed into that sense of not being good enough.
So, I decided to try psychic development circles external to the churches and found a couple. Again, I found myself in situations where the circle leader would try and teach 'their' methods of how a person should work with spirit. As I have come to find out, everyone has their own unique way of working with Spirit, so this lead to a lot of frustration when I wouldn't develop like I was 'expected' too. This reinforced in me that perhaps I was not good enough to work with Spirit and so I would fall away from developing time and time again.
Over the last few years, as I have dabbled with psychic development, I have also been doing a lot of work on my own personal development in regards to my default setting of not feeling good enough and as a result my self worth has increased and I have become more self assured. This has impacted on my psychic development by encouraging me to listen to my own gut feeling, trusting in how I work with Spirit and actually disagreeing with those so called circle leaders when I know my gut tells me something different. This resulted in my having to leave said circles because the circle leaders perhaps felt threatened and it caused animosity. I made a conscious decision to go it alone and work with my Guides and let my Guides teach me how to develop by myself and understand my own unique way of working with Spirit. This is what I have been doing for the last couple of years.
Very recently I thought I would reach out and join the only development circle I haven't tried yet and give it one last go. As church circles go, it was actually a lovely circle with lovely people and we did a few great meditations and psychic exercises. One exercise was for us to write down anything psychic/mediumistic that we could pick up for another member of the group. I found myself writing down a lot of random stuff then found myself wanting to sketch a mans face. A few weeks later we did a wonderful meditation where I felt a 'thought voice' tell me that I was going to 'get what I asked for' and that 'I had better be prepared to work hard' and that the 'veil was lifting'. I had no idea what that meant for me and I did find myself questioning if this was me talking to myself or if it was from my Guide. As much as I found this intriguing, the religious aspect and rigidity once again ruined it for me. I became bored of it. So I left wishing everyone good luck.
So....I decided to have a wee bash at asking my Guide to help me draw Spirit. I am aware that I am at the very beginning of my journey, like I said I am not a professional by any means but hey ho....a gal's gotta try, right! :)
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